Pass-Sporting: Tip #22 - Get A Chick Who Can Speak English

Pass-Sporting: Guide not to be a terrible import
Tip #22: “Get a chick who can speak English”

I acknowledge that this post may come of as misogynistic. In no way does this diminish the value of wonderful relationships that I’ve made with any woman during my years in Europe, They were all genuine and I took interest in each of you because of who you were as people. Seriously. You were special.

No one is trying to baby sit a grown ass man. After the first month and half the “honey moon” with your teammates will be over. The novelty of you being the new import will start to wear off and that excitement they had to help you out with every little thing or to translate things for you will become a tad bit of a chore. Yeah it was funny the first 5 times when you couldn’t order a pizza in (insert whatever language here) but by the 6th they’ll be like “Damn have you not learned any part of the language yet?”. The text messages to get a ride somewhere will be met with, “Sorry man I got something I gotta do”, the invitations to come have a home cooked meal at so and so’s house will die down and calling someone at 3:00 am to explain to the cab driver where you live, because the driver doesn’t understand your English pronunciation of Rozy Wiatrow, will make your teammates furious. The best way to make your life easier is to be man……and find a bad ass chick that speaks English to fill this void.

HOLD UP!!! Now before you walk into the club and do THIS -

Say this when you walk into a club in Sweden. It works

Let me explain how it works. I would say to be comfortable you should find 2. If you have one, going to her over and over and over will cause her to get burned out or tragically you will find your self in a relationship that you didn’t even know you were in. C’mon, once a chick cooks for you about 3 or 4 times that’s your boo whether you like it or not. Not that there is anything wrong with that. See with 2 you will be able to spread out the tasks you may need help with evenly without causing burn out. Also this becomes more efficient because of the limited amount of time they get to spend with you they will gladly help you just to be around. I do not recommend going for 3. The only person that skillfully pulls this off is Willie Sheird, but he is DA GAWD at this. Mr. Sheird would go on and ask “Can someone order pizza for me?”. He would have dinner within 30 minutes from someone he’s never met. In his prime a close second WAS my man 9 Time but as he can attest to, it can get very messy quickly.

Finding a younger or older (whatever your preference is) woman who has zero association with your teammates or football for that matter is the best route. You will end up being put on to new things that you didn’t even know existed. Plus its nice to get do something not team involved. For instance the time I spent in Poland, a lovely woman put me on to the emerging Jazz and Nu Soul culture going on in Wroclaw. I rocks with the creative scene, so it was dope for me to kick it with artist and musicians.

The on thing to keep in mind a chick you meet via your teammates is not ideal. Your teammates are nosey as all hell and they WILL find out about damn near everything because gossip about an import is just the thing to do. Not to mention you will never be able to escape her in the event she needs to be cut off because they are in your circle of friends. That can get ugly. Every import I believe has dealt with this at least once. Also stay clear of a female that another import introduces you to by saying “Yeah this is the homie” because……yeah…..she’ll be…….well just don’t.

Aki "Not Euro Jones" Jones